Shobhaa De: Politically incorrect

Dear Madamji,

Myself, Troller Number 1. You have been ignoring my abuse. And I am very insulted. These days it is a fashion to write Open Letters right and left. Everyone is writing Open Letters. I am also fashionable. And I am exerting my democratic right as an anonymous troller to tell you I hate you. Right now, you are the most hated person in India. Who the hell do you think you are? I will tell you : You are a ‘f@#***# b#*#*’. You are a r@*&* and a w*&#@ and a s@&*. How dare you insult our lovable athletes in Rio? That’s the limit! They are running, jumping, lifting weights, punching… all for the country. That’s a lot of very hard work. What do you do? You are nothing! Just an elitist woman… that too, a former model! I have read all your books many times, Madamji… don’t think I am ignorant! All those dirty-dirty things! So, what gives you the right to tweet and make our hardworking athletes feel bad? Can you even spell ‘sports’? No. I am sure you will say something stupid like you were a champion in school and college. We don’t believe you. And we don’t care. We are only interested in how our athletes are enjoying the Olumpics. People like you are not good Indians. You go to 5-star hotels and think too great of yourselves. You live in air-conditioned homes. Drive A/C walla cars. Drink only bottled water and what not. Can you run on a hockey ground for 60 minutes — tell me! If you can’t, just shut your mouth.

India is participating in Olumpics, no? That is enough. Winners or losers — that is none of your bloody business. Why talk of medals and all that? Why compare with other smaller, poorer countries? We are India! We are mahaan. Even if we don’t win a single Gold in Rio, it is okay. We have won 7 or 8 medals for hockey in 70 years. That is an achievement. Why say America has won close to 1,000 medals and all that? Our hardworking athletes feel hurt and demoralized. They need encouragement. How can they focus on winning anything, even a bronze medal, with people like you?

See the reaction to your tweet? Trollers like myself have won the ‘Olumpics of Abuse’, in your case, Madamji. We have the Gold medal in our hands for using colourful language and abusing seven generations of your family. In a democracy, it is our right to express ourselves. We can use MC-BC gaalis as much as we want. Because you deserve only that! See, how even big-big people are calling you names and shaming/slamming you! Top-top fillum stars, sportstars, politicians! Arrey, all right-thinking nationalists and patriots are freely abusing you. Why? Because you said our athletes are clicking selfies. Why not? Even India’s sports minister Vijay Goel is going here and there boldly, into restricted, accredited areas of the Olumpic Village and clicking selfies with any and every person. Nothing wrong.

Selfie stars: There’s more to the Olympics than merely winning medals, no?

Selfie stars: There’s more to the Olympics than merely winning medals, no?

As trollers, we are very powerful. You may not think so, but we can finish you off. Then see the fun, Madamji. You will run with your tail between the legs, faster than all our Olumpic track stars. Why say Ethiopia is a poor country which produces Gold Medallists at every Olumpics? Why point out that their marathoners run without shoes? Even our poor athletes didn’t get their kit on time. Not their fault, no? You are saying our babus should be pulled up. Who will pull them up, Madamji? Other babus? Corruption, favouritism, blackmail, doping charges, accusations — other countries also have the same issues. Medals, medals, medals — is that everything? You talk nonsense when you say Olumpics are only about winning medals. That is not true. Our athletes got the chance to visit a top foreign country and meet top foreign people. Yes, on taxpayers’ money. What goes of you? Not your baap ka paisa. Even if India does not win Gold, Silver, Bronze and most athletes come back khaali haath, we will not mind.

Apologize, you neech, giri hui aurat! APOLOGIZE! Say ‘Sorry’. Take back your words. Delete the tweet. Show repentance! If we don’t win anything, it’s all because of you! It’s all your fault. Madamji, women like you are a serious threat to our society. You talk too much. India does not need outspoken women who talk like you. We will show you. We will show them. If you have the guts, reply to each and everyone of us — the haters and abusers are waiting! We have thought of more abuses.

Aap ka,
Troller No. 1
Deshbhakts & Mitron… Happy Independence Day.

DISCLAIMER : Views expressed above are the author’s own.

— Besttopic

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